


Of Before

by fusion_ego



Series: Tumblr Requests [12]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anti and some of the other septics have a Secret Past, Anti's the only one who remembers everything, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memories, Recovered Memories, it fucks with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:25:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fusion_ego/pseuds/fusion_ego
Summary: "kk i'm not sure what you mean when you say requests are "sort of open" so i'm just gonna throw this here: some fluffy/angsty Danti if at all possible--maybe Dark comforting Anti through something bad? idk what but i need some hurt/comfort tbh"-AnonymousAnti doesn't like remembering how things were Before. He likes it even less that some of the others only remember bits and pieces.He likes it even less that it's so easy for Before to upset him.





	Of Before

If there was anything worse than _him_ remembering what was before all of this, Anti thought, it was the others who were involved only remembering bits and pieces. It was the others knowing there was another with them but not knowing what happened to him or where he ended up. It was knowing, himself, very personally the answers to those questions and not having the heart to tell them because they either wouldn’t believe him or they’d treat him differently for it. It was them not even knowing he’d been around at that time.

He was thankful, however, to know that none of them thought about it much. Certainly not as often as he thought about it. He’d have caught wind of it much more often than he had if they did, at least before he’d moved in with Dark.

He smiled to himself at the thought of living with Dark for as long as he had without feeling the spark of love for him splutter out yet. He wasn’t _supposed_ to feel love, as he was, but that was fine. No one else had to know he felt it.

It could be his little secret.

He wiped the dumb smile off his face, shook his head, and left his and Dark’s bedroom, mind turning back to the first topic as he headed downstairs.

Today was one of those increasingly frequent days where the other Septics came to visit the Ipliers and socialize for no reason, which had played a part in his thoughts on this subject. Marvin, who was undoubtedly going to be here, talked about Before more often than the others did, but that was unsurprising. He had a strong mind, so he remembered better than Henrik or even Jack did. Almost as well as Anti did.

And, as much as he hated to admit it, he was anxious at the thought of Marvin bringing it up today, when his own memories were so sharply in focus. He didn’t really know how he’d respond to it being mentioned by anyone else today.

He could only hope it wouldn’t be bad.

… It was probably going to be bad.

By the time he got downstairs, Marvin was already talking animatedly with Dark, hands making their usual wide, expressive motions. Marvin was _definitely_ a hand talker―it made his sign language a little rough to understand, Anti knew―and it showed as he continued to gesture and flick his wrists.

Amusingly, he seemed to be in ample supply of magical power today, as his motions were trailed by a pinkish-purple glow and… Was that glitter? That was definitely glitter. Glow and glitter.

Anti shook his head and approached, examining him further as he did.

Marvin’s hair was longer than that of the other septics, now―it looked like he was finally growing it out again. And his sleeves were rolled up today to reveal some of his _many_ sigil and rune tattoos. Tattoos that he wouldn’t remember getting, really, unless his memory of Before was that good.

He didn’t think it would be.

“―but that’s just how Adrian was, you know?” Marvin was saying as Anti sidled up to Dark and tucked himself into his side, “He was always protective of Jack, to the point that he’d almost rush into things without thinking them through for him.”

Anti’s chest twisted a bit at the conversation topic, but he didn’t let it show on his face.

“And rushing into things was unusual for him?” Dark asked, eyebrow raise evident in his voice.

“Oh yeah,” Marvin agreed, “He was always the sensible one. Liked to have a plan.”

“Sounds like your kinda guy,” Anti managed to joke a little hoarsely, nudging Dark.

Dark chuckled, and some of Anti’s anxiety ebbed.

Always did, when Dark laughed. It was such a rare sound it put his worries to rest without any effort. It made him feel… Relaxed.

It made him feel safe and protected for the first time in nearly a century.

Marvin laughed a little as well, at the joke, then continued speaking. He told Dark (and Anti) of what he remembered of Before. He told them of how long his hair used to be, how much better at magic he’d been, and how he’d actually known what all of his tattoos meant, at some point. He told them he’d only just recently started remembering a lot of it. Just long enough ago that he’d started to grow his hair out again.

Anti examined the shaggy mess and wondered how long ago Marvin had actually remembered. He was likely to be using some kind of magic to make his hair grow faster, though still gradually so that he could re-learn how to care for it.

The question, “How long ago is recently,” never left his mouth despite his curiosity.

He just let Marvin continue to talk.

He was almost surprised that Dark was listening, but… Marvin, while excitable, was among the easiest to handle where the septics were concerned. Just let him talk and he’d be happier than a dog with two tails. The others tended to need… More… In order to be satisfied.

Marv? He just wanted to talk.

And Dark? He was good at listening, thank God.

“―and then Adry said, ‘I’d feel much better if you’d just let me walk you home.’ And that’s how he ended up staying the night at my house for the first time. He fell asleep on the couch!”

Anti nearly physically winced at the memories that brought back, but refrained… If only barely. He remembered that night with more clarity than he had any right to. It was _infuriating,_ frankly.

That it hurt, as well, was something he didn’t need to express.

He should definitely tell Dark the truth.

He should definitely _not do that._ That was a _horrible_ idea. Dark didn’t need to know the truth―it wasn’t important. The truth could kindly fuck itself for all he cared.

“He sounds like quite the gentleman,” Dark said.

Anti almost laughed. Yeah, Adrian _was_ a gentleman. It just part of who he was, even if he’d been a somewhat unconventional gentleman at times.

But rather than laughing, he just felt his gut twist in an uncomfortable sort of way that he knew very intimately and had started to think he wasn’t capable of experiencing anymore. Too bad he’d been wrong. He could really do without this feeling.

… Honestly, he could do without a _lot_ of the feelings he’d thought he could no longer experience.

“He was a real sweetheart,” Marvin said by way of agreement, “Speaking of, Adry―” Marvin cut himself off suddenly, having turned his attention to Anti, “Shit- Sorry- _Anti,_ have you seen Jackie?”

Anti’s throat promptly closed right the fuck up. His fists clenched at his sides. _Fuck_ why did that have to _hurt?_ Why did being called by _that name_ have to cause this level of agony? It was completely uncalled for. _Completely._ He _hated it._ And he needed to talk, needed to reply, but…

“No,” He managed, “I haven’t seen him.” He pulled away from Dark before he could realize he was beginning to shake. “I just remembered I have something I need to be doing.”

And he glitched himself out of the room before either of them could question him.

Throat still tight, he found himself back in the room he shared with Dark. He could feel the tightness becoming a telltale lump, and he wanted to _scream._ Why did he feel like crying? He hadn’t cried since Before. He hadn’t cried since damn near a century ago. It completely went against the _creature_ he was now to cry. He was a glitch. He was a monster. He wasn’t meant to have these sorts of feelings. He wasn’t meant to feel _sadness,_ or _nostalgia,_ or whatever this horrible, soul-rending fucking sensation was.

Pressing a hand against his mouth to muffle any undue noises that might come creeping out, he abandoned his pride and poofed himself under the bed. It was the safest place in the room―no one would look there if they came looking for him. He could be alone. He could calm down. He could avoid _crying like a little bitch._

 _Crying is healthy._ That stupid, contradicting part of him said, _It’s okay to cry._

Yeah, _no._ He didn’t fucking think so.

So he laid curled up under the bed for who knew how long instead. The lump in his throat gradually faded, the shaking subsiding along with it. He felt like himself again. Not like… Not like he was Before. He’d been very different Before. More emotional, he supposed. More vulnerable. But those days were gone, mostly, and the times when they came back were…

Hellish.

He hated feeling like Before.

He was _weak_ Before.

The sound of the door opening and closing softly jolted him from his internal monologue with a disproportionate level of violence. He did his best not to gasp or jump, since both would alert whoever had entered to his hiding spot.

Dark’s polished shoes came into view.

“Anti,” He said, voice low, and Anti almost cursed on the spot, “I know you’re in here. Where are you?”

Rather than giving away his location immediately, Anti chose to throw his voice to the other side of the room, “How’d you know I was in here?”

“I can feel that you’re in here,” Dark said, somewhat flippant, “Just not exactly where.”

Anti hummed, throwing his voice to a different part of the room just in case Dark decided to start looking around, “You’d feel it if I popped myself to another part of the room though, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.” Dark sounded a little annoyed, “Where _are_ you?”

Feeling some of that horrible tightness returning to his throat, Anti fought the urge to run like a coward and hide somewhere else. Instead he just stayed quiet. It’d piss Dark off, sure, but eventually he’d give up on getting Anti to tell him where he was, and once that happened Anti could poof himself freely around without feeling like a cowering animal.

Even though that was exactly what he was.

… Pathetic.

“Alright,” Dark sighed, now very clearly annoyed, “Fine. I suppose I’ll just have to find you on my own.”

Anti didn’t reply, chewing at his lip. He did not expect for Dark to kneel down and look at him immediately where he lay curled up under his side of the bed. He blinked owlishly at him and Dark gave him what may have been the most sympathetic look he’d ever gotten from him.

“Come on out here.” He said softly, tone having gone soft.

Anti hesitated, swallowing hard. Dark didn’t move. He took a deep breath, then slowly, so slowly, scooted out from under the bed, taking the hand that was offered to him and getting up. Dark pulled him into a hug and he relaxed against his chest without question, closing his eyes.

“I don’t know what has you so unsettled,” Dark said quietly, “And I won’t ask because it’s not any of my business. But I’m here if you need me.”

Anti pressed himself closer to him by way of answer, burying his face into his neck and balling his hands into fists against his back.

Dark just rubbed his back and stood there holding him, and for once he felt warm, which Anti would admit felt really nice. And the quiet easiness of just being held, having his back rubbed, was… Dangerously human. But pleasant.

“I’ll admit,” Dark finally uttered, “I’m curious about something.”

Anti hummed in question, shifting and relaxing a little, breathing slow and deep. Probably more calm than he’d been since Before.

“Was your…” He trailed for a moment, then tried again, “Before, was your name Adrian?”

The moment he heard the question he tensed in preparation for the tightness in his chest and throat… But it didn’t come. So he relaxed a little and said, very quietly, “Yeah. It was.”

Dark hummed.

And that was the end of the conversation. After that, Dark just held him until he pulled away on his own. Offering a smile once he had, Dark straightened his clothes and said, “Dinner will be ready soon. Do you want to go down?”

Relieved that Dark wasn’t going to hold onto what happened, Anti grinned at him, “Of course I do. Who do you think I am?”

Dark laughed.

Anti felt warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Want me to write something like this for you? Have some spare money? Ask me about my commissions! I thrive off of writing, especially just because I want to, but I have to pay bills.


End file.
